I thought this post was going to be titled,”Why i gave up my dream for a year.” I don’t know what to title this now. But i am so thankful i am here. I meant to write this back in August but i honestly was struggling to form the words and have them feel sincere. I have dreamed of playing professional volleyball since at least 12 years old. I was going to play D1 volleyball at a big time school and win trophies and be the envy of me peers. LOL. I will just chalk it up to my delusional confidence or maybe even a complete lack of a grasp on reality. My college team won 29 games in my 4 year college career a feat some of my peers achieved in almost 1 season. And that fact shook me to my core because it felt like someone had smashed my life plan with a hammer. (Yes im dramatic) but it’s true. I had shoulder reconstruction and Fasciotomies on both my legs. Throughout the course of my senior season earlier this year i felt broken. Being a great volleyball player was weaved into every part my life. It felt like my calling and i did not understand at all why it was not going as planned. And when it came time post graduation to figure out continuing my professional career overseas i was determined to push through despite all the warning signs that i was not okay. Things started taking a turn when i was having uncontrollable panic attacks in a hospital bed, the night before a big conference match. I missed that match. But something happened to me in that hospital room that night. I was at the end of my rope. I literally had nothing left within myself to continue on. So i prayed. I got saved by Jesus Christ when i was 6 years old, but the truth is my college years pulled me further and further from my heavenly Father. But this was it. I had lost my way, and did not have any other answers on how to “fix” how i was feeling. So i gave it up. I surrendered. I loosened my white knuckle grip on my life plan, and my heavenly Father was there. I do not mean to sound like a crazy person, but if you have found yourself in a similar situation you might know what i am talking about. I felt God touch me. Right on the forehead and i immediately fell into the best sleep of my life. I woke up 45 or so minutes later in another full blown panic attack (cold sweats, shaking uncontrollably, the whole 9 yards) So i prayed and surrendered again and it happened again and again until the sun peaked through the window. I finished playing my college career, but the people close to me encouraged me to really take a look at what should be next, and whether that should include my dream of playing overseas. So when contracts came around. I said no. It was really hard, even though i knew i was doing the right thing. I had to give up the priority volleyball and my own identity held in my life and replace them with my relationship with God and all my loved ones who have showed me love and support despite my struggles. So here is my announcement somehow, someway an opportunity was presented to me to join Nordenskov UIF in Denmark for the remainder of the season. I am beyond grateful for this new chapter and it would not be possible without my heavenly Father’s unconditional love, unshakeable strength, and unchanging grace. I thank Him for finding a way for volleyball to still be a part of my life and for putting people like my family, friends, agent, and Nordenskov UIF in my life. Volleyball is a gift and I intend to use it to glorify the big Guy upstairs who gave it to me. ♥️
As a four year starter, for the most part, performance was always at the top of my mind. I have never been one that handled sitting on the bench well, and had not had to deal with my body being the reason for not playing until my Sophomore year of college. I had a muscle atrophy in my right scapula area of my shoulder that became very noticeable and led me to get an MRI. The MRI showed a torn labrum, two tears in my rotator cuff, and a cyst that could be causing the atrophy. On top of that i had pretty bad arthritis in my shoulder. I am a setter, so it did not effect my game majorly but it was getting worse, to the point of it being painful to serve. I put off surgery to avoid missing any part of my season. I was lucky enough to be able to do it that way and continue starting and playing in all four seasons of my college career. The same thing happened the next season, my junior season when i was diagnosed with Exertional Compartment Syndrome in both my calves. Struggling through three of the four seasons I played at Lindenwood effected me in a lot of ways and i think a lot of college athletes can relate. Being the ultra competitive type A personality that i am. The constant struggle to simply be healthy enough to compete stunted my growth as a player and as a person because i was so focused on simply getting to the point that i was at before. I allowed being an athlete to consume my identity at times. When volleyball was not going well, I was not doing well as a person. Now with my college career in the rear view, It has left me with regret about not growing more and achieving the success that I expected coming into my college career. However, there is a lot that I have learned from all of this: God truly does not give you more than you can not handle with his guidance. Every experience is an opportunity for a reaction that you are in complete control of. And, trying to go through anything on your own; is never gonna yield a positive result, whether that support is others or God. Relying completely on your self simply does not work, and frankly is not healthy or how we were designed.
Life Update: I am currently moved back into my parents home in KCMO for the summer, and working through the decision to continue my volleyball career over seas or start my career path here in the states. Prayers are always appreciated. I hope other athletes out there might be encouraged by my story, or it helps positively impact someone in someway. Because writing it down does seem to help me some how.
Welcome, to begin my attempt at this blogging thing, i will introduce myself and explain the purpose and goal of this tiny spec in the universe of the internet. My name is Adam Brewster. I am a product of two loving, Christ following parents, Mark and Tacey Brewster. I am the second youngest living child of what can only be described as the gaggle of 7 children that my parents have created. We are very close and my siblings are some of my best friends #brewcrew 😜. I am currently studying Fashion Design and Fashion Business and Entrepreneurship at Lindenwood University, St. Charles and playing NCAA D1 volleyball for the university. For those that do not know me in real life i will do my best to objectively describe my general essence as a person. I am outgoing/talk to much, expressive/loud, confident/attention seeking, loyal/aggressive, and compartmentalized/out of control. I decided to begin a blog for many reasons: my therapist suggested it, ever since seeing the movie Julie and Julia i have wanted to have one, and i would like to think that it will be helpful to me and others to express myself. So i am thinking each blog post will have a specific topic but from my deeply personal perspective. When reviewing (googling) how to go about starting a successful blog it was all about a target audience and catering all content towards that audience. I have never been good about fitting into predetermined boxes, so i will just leave this open. We are all human after all. The older i get the more i think relatability/likability is really just being seen with an open mind.
Talk to you soon,