Life News

I thought this post was going to be titled,”Why i gave up my dream for a year.” I don’t know what to title this now. But i am so thankful i am here. I meant to write this back in August but i honestly was struggling to form the words and have them feel sincere. I have dreamed of playing professional volleyball since at least 12 years old. I was going to play D1 volleyball at a big time school and win trophies and be the envy of me peers. LOL. I will just chalk it up to my delusional confidence or maybe even a complete lack of a grasp on reality. My college team won 29 games in my 4 year college career a feat some of my peers achieved in almost 1 season. And that fact shook me to my core because it felt like someone had smashed my life plan with a hammer. (Yes im dramatic) but it’s true. I had shoulder reconstruction and Fasciotomies on both my legs. Throughout the course of my senior season earlier this year i felt broken. Being a great volleyball player was weaved into every part my life. It felt like my calling and i did not understand at all why it was not going as planned. And when it came time post graduation to figure out continuing my professional career overseas i was determined to push through despite all the warning signs that i was not okay. Things started taking a turn when i was having uncontrollable panic attacks in a hospital bed, the night before a big conference match. I missed that match. But something happened to me in that hospital room that night. I was at the end of my rope. I literally had nothing left within myself to continue on. So i prayed. I got saved by Jesus Christ when i was 6 years old, but the truth is my college years pulled me further and further from my heavenly Father. But this was it. I had lost my way, and did not have any other answers on how to “fix” how i was feeling. So i gave it up. I surrendered. I loosened my white knuckle grip on my life plan, and my heavenly Father was there. I do not mean to sound like a crazy person, but if you have found yourself in a similar situation you might know what i am talking about. I felt God touch me. Right on the forehead and i immediately fell into the best sleep of my life. I woke up 45 or so minutes later in another full blown panic attack (cold sweats, shaking uncontrollably, the whole 9 yards) So i prayed and surrendered again and it happened again and again until the sun peaked through the window. I finished playing my college career, but the people close to me encouraged me to really take a look at what should be next, and whether that should include my dream of playing overseas. So when contracts came around. I said no. It was really hard, even though i knew i was doing the right thing. I had to give up the priority volleyball and my own identity held in my life and replace them with my relationship with God and all my loved ones who have showed me love and support despite my struggles. So here is my announcement somehow, someway an opportunity was presented to me to join Nordenskov UIF in Denmark for the remainder of the season. I am beyond grateful for this new chapter and it would not be possible without my heavenly Father’s unconditional love, unshakeable strength, and unchanging grace. I thank Him for finding a way for volleyball to still be a part of my life and for putting people like my family, friends, agent, and Nordenskov UIF in my life. Volleyball is a gift and I intend to use it to glorify the big Guy upstairs who gave it to me. ♥️

God bless,


Published by WhiteChocolateWonderLand

Believer | Volleyballer | Fashion Enthusiast 💋💎 James 5:13

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